Dressing down box

With the government restrictions in even greater force, we are left to ponder, for our ubiquitous video calls, what our 2021 professional wardrobe should look like?

When dress-down was first introduced into London offices, men struggled, believing that not wearing a tie was dress down enough.  Undoing the correct amount of shirt buttons depended on how hirsute you were.

As a bloke, you’d stand in the queue at Starbucks and sometimes enviously notice men in front of you who seemed to have mastered the art of dressing-down better than you; this is because they were either American, had discovered Banana Republic while on holiday in the US or robots.

I remember a time when there was rioting going on and the aggrieved (this time) were people against capitalism; attacking the City was an obvious target.  Firms would send notes round suggesting staff didn’t make it obvious they had money (so Harry Enfield impressions were banned for the afternoon).  This should confuse the rioting proletariat (that was the gist of the warning email).

I thought the downstairs bar of a Devonshire Square wine bar would be a safe retreat.  However, upon my arrival, there was an old City gent, together dressed in his salmon pink- coloured cords, a cravat and Gucci loafers.  He might as well have had a badge on saying: “I hate Stalin”.

But we won’t, of course, be going into any pubs or wine bars anytime soon (upstairs or downstairs), but, if you are exposing yourself (professionally speaking) on a video call, these are not the times to be wearing a hand-knitted jumper, a present from a long-lost aunt demonstrating her new lockdown hobby skills; check you’ve taken your Christmas party hat off and if you’re wearing a tie, make sure it’s not from Hermès – there may be socialist spies watching.

And make sure you’ve shaved – at least the top half (although what you get up to down your local salon is none of my business) – unless you’re auditioning for the reformation of Wham!